Resolving disputes with a brother
[From Dialogue on Awakening]
How does one deal with a stressful situation involving others in a dispute?
I would call your attention to the method of communication. When you are communicating with anyone, two things are apparently happening: you are saying how you feel, and the other person is hearing what he wants to hear about how you feel. The only thing that is really going on is you expressing your mind. So when I suggest that you pay attention to the way you are communicating, I am specifically referring to the frame of mind you are currently in while the communication is taking place. If you are in a frame of mind that conveys anger or fear of any nature, then that is all that will be perceived by the person who is hearing—the words will be superfluous. If you are coming from a place of peace and trust, even though there is no apparent reason to extend trust, then trust will be perceived and true communication will take place. I would suggest that as I use the phrase, “extend trust from your state of mind,” you have the awareness and the recognition that what you are extending trust into is the truer nature of the Being with whom you are communicating. And then allow that trust to resonate with that person from his own sense of consciousness into what you may perceive as a more limited frame of consciousness.
An Image Given:
There are two cartoon characters communicating with each other. There are talk balloons going away from their mouths filled with words, and then just above each of the two characters is an extension or spirit outline of that person and there are also talk balloons extending from them up there where the real communication is happening. As the words are exchanged by the lower figures, they are just words; the thought and the trusting that you are really communicating in peace is flowing from the upper image in heart shaped balloons, being received there and then filtering down below and being understood.
This will take a little practice, will it not? It is very difficult to change a pattern in which you have invested a great deal of validity. My suggestion would be to look back upon the success of that pattern in the communication process, and I would say if it has worked, stick with it. If it hasn’t, perhaps it’s time to try something new.
How do I resolve a financial disagreement I’m involved in with this kind of communication?
Another Image Given:
There is a little dinghy boat, with you on one side of it and someone else on the other side, and you are pulling on the sides of this boat, each of you feeling that it’s your boat, and the boat just splits in two, right down the keel.
There is another matter here, one of recognizing value. I am saying be very clear as to what you value. Because it is this lack of clarity in the values which are foremost in your mind that are creating the fears over the outcome of the disposition of the property. There are relationships involved and that old demon, money, is involved. What I would like to have you consider is that, in the reality of it, there is only one value that is truly involved and that is the value that you place upon your peace of mind. The illustration of the boat being torn in two was to illustrate that when your mind is torn, nothing of value comes about as a result. Nothing that is apparently earned at the price of your peace of mind will truly have any lasting value to you, and you will recognize this quite clearly after the fact.
I am suggesting that you take some time to be very quiet, to look within your mind and play the scenario out in every conceivable way that you think it may occur, both in the ways you would like to see it happen and in the ways that you are afraid that it might happen. Be aware of the sense of peace—I could refer to it as a sense of satisfaction, of total satisfaction—that occurs with each scenario that you unfold. Then take the one which is totally satisfying to you, and hold it. Hold it gently, hold it without fear, and allow it to happen. Trust that it will happen. And please try to avoid any attachment of fear between the time you let go of it and the time that it becomes manifest, because the process will change if the thoughts within your mind change. You must allow it to go in complete freedom, unencumbered and unaccompanied by any later, “I wonder was that really right? Will it really turn out that way?” No future attachments of fear. Unencumbered. Allow it to be. If it left your mind in absolute clarity and remains in that state, it will be so.
Liken this, if you will, to the night dreams you have within this waking dream. You are very well aware that you can make anything happen that you want simply by the pattern of your thoughts that exists while you are sleeping. Yet the activity changes within the night dream as your thought within that dream changes, and that is what I am explaining to you happens within the bigger waking dream. Have you ever had a night dream where you were chased by a tiger and you were in absolute panic and fear, and then had an inkling that said, “Wait a moment … I must be dreaming.” And you turned around, and the tiger was gone. You simply allowed your tiger to be gone.
Choose what you value most. If you choose peace, then that is what you will have in whatever form you decide to have it. Please do not accept this as an esoteric explanation. I am giving you as real information as is possible for you to have and still remain dreaming. It is the information that will ultimately help you to see that you are dreaming and establish a greater willingness to wake up. You will either seek and find validations to confirm the dream or validations to let go of the dream and that, too, is a choice.
What if people want different outcomes from the same issue?
The outcome of any situation is determined by the motivation behind the thought which caused the situation. When you choose for peace and joy for both you and your brother, that will be the outcome regardless of other circumstances. Because you are always one with each other, you will accommodate each others’ true desire. This does not now appear to be the case because you both typically see your desires and interests conflicting, and so you give conflicting meaning to your thoughts which must produce a conflicted outcome. To change that outcome, you must want for him what you want for yourself.
I remind you that physical experiences serve only to identify the thought processes which reflect your beliefs. The object around which the conflict is occurring could take the form of anything which has value to you. But to see it as being the reason for or source of the conflict misses the point. Your conflicting desires of outcome reflect your belief in scarcity. Ask yourself if this issue in conflict would even exist if you knew of a certainty that you could bring anything into your experience that you chose to have there.
Do I understand you to say that when there are opposing viewpoints and you choose then to have peace, the issue will be resolved to the benefit of both?
When you choose peace, the ultimate benefit that will be derived is your receiving peace. You will come to recognize that it is the only thing that has value and is worth choosing. Allow your brother’s benefit to take whatever form he has chosen to receive it in.
How long will it take to reach this state?
That one is entirely up to you. Please understand that the moment you wholly choose peace, the experience of peace is instantaneous. The process of your creating the thought patterns of continuously, unequivocally choosing peace in each and every situation will take as long as you choose. The reason to choose peace is that it is not of the illusion. It is a reflection of Reality. Choices made that do not bring you peace appear to validate the illusion and keep your attention anchored in it.
[ch 2, pg 51]
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