Guards to the Gates of Peace
[From Dialogue on Awakening]
As a mother I have so much guilt surrounding this question. I have a son I was not prepared to have, and I am on a very different wave length from his father in how we perceive the world. Would I be doing the right thing by leaving and creating what I would like to have around me, or am I meant to stay and be responsible for the situation? If I do leave, will I ruin a little person’s life?
Let me say to you first: you have but one responsibility and that is to be your Self, to express the love and the peace and the joy that is the definition of you. There is no one around you now, nor will there ever be anyone around you who will settle for less, regardless of what the conscious or apparent expression of their desires may be.
The little one bears most heavily upon your mind, so allow me to say this. He seeks for love and the love that you have to give to him cannot be recognized even by you until you feel it for yourself. As you seek for love and to find the expression of your true Being, you aid in his seeking as well. It is only through the recognition of your Self and your experiencing it that you will, in any meaningful way: pass it on.
I will tell you that guilt and judgment are guards to the gate of peace. As long as you present yourself before them, there will be no way for you to pass through. But I also ask you to understand that being on the fear side of that gate to peace will bring no one happiness or joy or any expression that is in any way vaguely recognizable as being that which they truly seek. So when I say to you, “Seek your peace, seek your Self-expression first,” I am not advocating or offering you an opportunity to judge yourself as being guilty because you have placed yourself in a position which you perceive as being ahead of your child.
You see, it is quite the contrary. If you do not first place yourself in this position of peace, then you have given the child no position at all.
Once you have begun this realignment of your thinking, there will be another phenomenon which you will begin to become aware of, and that is of the participation of your child. I will tell you that the child is more aware of what is going on than he is able to express. You cannot see this, because you are in a position of being unclear about your own expression.
I will not advocate to you to stay in or to leave the relationship you are in. What I will advocate to you is to direct your attention to your own well-being. And if you will pay attention to your well-being, then what happens within the relationship will simply be of a natural effect. It will take the course that best serves the development of your Self and his Self.
[ch 2, pg 66]
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